Words are wonderful things. Without them, you could not read this page. Without them, we would not be able to sing along to “Bohemian Rhapsody”…we would just be making noise along with the beat of the song, sort of like “da da da da da da da da da da da da da”. Get it?
There are a lot of words I love. In fact, the word love is a word I love, because it immediately invokes a good feeling. Putting words together brings even more happy thoughts…like hot pizza, cold beer, getting paid, classic guitar, fast car, and nice ass (sorry, just trying to be honest).
Unfortunately, for every ying, there has to be a yang. I hadn’t really thought about words that I don’t like until a few years ago. Up ‘til then, I know there were words that I didn’t like, but just kind of accepted it as a fact of life. Then one day a co-worker of mine said that he and his wife were driving somewhere over the weekend and passed a Hardees burger joint. On the little marquee underneath the Hardees sign were the words “Try our new angus thickburger”. John told me that his wife looked at the sign as they drove by and said “Gross! Look at that sign!” John asked what was wrong with it, and she replied, “I just hate the word ‘angus’.”
Immediately, I started thinking about words that I hate. The first word that came to mind was “caulk”. You know, the putty-like stuff that you put around sinks and bathtubs, and sometimes around windows so cold air doesn’t blow through them? I don’t like hearing that word, and I REALLY hate saying it. “Caulk.” It sounds like something is stuck in my throat…like a small dog choking on a chicken bone. “Caulk.” I don’t even like writing it.
I shared my recent discovery with my friend and co-worker at the time, Amy. Right away, Amy picked up on what I was talking about. She said that she also had words that she hated. At the top of the list for her was “dollop,” as in “Give me a dollop of Cool Whip on that pumpkin pie.” I had to admit that I had nothing against the word, but Amy was adamant that it never be spoken in her presence. So we made a pact…she would never say “caulk” around me, and I would never say “dollop” around her. We’ve used it as leverage once or twice, but the pact remains to this day. In fact, she’s a regular reader of my blog, so I warned her what tonight’s was about, and mentioned that it may contain content that she may find objectionable.
Since then, a couple of other words have made the list, including one that I’ve never liked but just realized it this morning. “Rural.” You know, like out in the country. It just sounds like a bunch of R’s with an “L” at the end. Maybe I don’t like it because it just doesn’t sound right when I say it. “Rural.” Try it a few times. Then imagine how it would sound if Elmer Fudd said it. But only imagine it if Mel Blanc is Elmer Fudd, not his son, Noel.
The only other word that presently comes to mind for me is “Caribbean,” and it’s probably because no one knows the proper way to say it. If you listen to the announcers on TV, they usually say “car-i-BE-an” cruise. If you go by the popular cruise line, it’s referred to as “royal car-IB-bean.” And if you listen to Billy Ocean, there’s an emphasis on every syllable, like “CAR-RIB-BEAN QUEEN.” So how the hell are you supposed to say it? I’m too lazy to look it up, so I’ll just consider it another word for the “Words I Hate” list.
If you have a word you hate, put it in the comments section and I’ll try to refrain from ever using it in a blog. And don’t be a smartass and say something like “I really hate the words ‘the’ and ‘and’” just to mess me up. Make it a legitimate word. For instance, I hereby promise Amy that I will never again use the “D” word in any of my writings, even if I’m mad at her for something. If you know Amy, I wouldn’t suggest using that word around her. She wasn’t just having fun with me, she really hates that word. She came pretty close to smacking me one time. Strange how words can affect you that way.