While I was at work today, a co-worker announced that her daughter was going to stop by with a new kitten that she had just rescued from a barn. Immediately, I was swept up in the excitement of going to see the new kitten. It was really cute…a black cat that was all fluffy, the way little kittens are. And it seemed quite content to be held and petted and squeezed. This prompted someone in our little group to say, “This cat may not realize it yet, but she’s won the lotto,” meaning that, instead of spending the rest of her life scraping for food in a cold barn, this cat was going to a nice, warm home where it was going to get plenty of food and care…as well as plenty of love and attention.
If I had to choose, I would have to say that I’m more of a “cat” person than a “dog” person. I think dogs are messy and annoying. They constantly want to please you, so they are always in your face with kind of a “Hey! I did this for you! Want me to do anything else for you? I’ll be your friend! I’ll clean your plate! I’ll lick your face, if that’s what you’re into!” Cats are more laid back. Cats make it seem like they’re doing you a favor by occupying your surroundings. And more often than not, they are in a quiet place on their own…they don’t need you.
Maybe I’m more of a cat person because, deep down, I think it would be pretty cool to be a cat. Let’s look past all the obvious reasons…no mortgage or car payments, don’t have to wake up to an alarm, food and shelter are usually provided free of charge, and you don’t have a “room”…the entire house is your “room”. Or maybe I would want to be a cat just so I could hang out with my cats.
We have two cats at our house. They’re brother and sister, and when we got them, I challenged the kids to come up with a good “blank and blank” name…something that went together so it would be easy to remember. We batted around a few name ideas, like Fred and Wilma, Frick and Frack, and my personal favorite, Ike and Tina. Mom’s idea won, and they became Romeo and Juliet. I was never a big Shakespeare fan, but at least they were names that were easy to remember.
Anyhoo, I think it would be cool to hang out with Romeo and Juliet, just for a day. When the kids leave for school, and I leave for work, we put the cats in the basement where their food and catbox is…so this is what their agenda probably looks like:
8 a.m. – stand at the top of the stairs and meow loudly to protest being relegated to the basement.
8:05 a.m. – go downstairs and get a drink of water, maybe a bite of food.
8:07 a.m. – grab a kitty magazine and head for the catbox.
8:15 a.m. – cover up poop with cat litter (why the hell don’t these things flush?)
8:16 a.m. – walk into the rec room, sit and lick fur.
8:17 a.m. – maybe lick private parts if in the mood.
8:18 a.m. – find a corner of the old couch to curl up in and go to sleep.
12:32 p.m. – wake up, get a drink of water.
12:33 p.m. – head for the catbox again and have a pee (wonder what makes that stuff clump up like that?)
12:34 p.m. – go to the top of the steps and meow loudly to see if anyone is home yet.
12:36 p.m. – lick private parts again while thinking about cat next door.
12:40 p.m. – head back to the couch, curl up and sleep some more.
4:00 p.m. – hear movement above, head to top of stairs to meow loudly.
4:01 p.m. – released from basement prison, immediately head to laundry room to use upstairs catbox.
You get the idea. That’s what the cats PROBABLY do during the day. However, I do have another theory. My other theory is that when we’re gone, a bunch of other cats come over and shoot pool and play cards with our cats.
I’ve seen pictures.