Dogs who think John Lennon is Shakespeare, the vegetarian and other random thoughts

THAT headline ought to get some traffic to my site.

Let me explain. WordPress, which is the site that hosts this little blog of mine (I’m gonna let it shine), gives us bloggers a page that they call a “dashboard”. Simply speaking, I use my password to get into it, and it gives me all kinds of uber-cool stats. I see a bar graph that indicates how many visitors I’ve had each day. It tells me which stories were viewed the most. It tells me how many stories I’ve posted since I started (this one is 124), and how many comments I’ve gotten (369 to date) and how many comments have gone directly to my spam folder (1,545…geesh!).

Another thing that my dashboard tells me is the top searches that have brought people to my site in the past week. For instance, under top searches, it may say “Scott peed in his car” (and who hasn’t googled THAT before?). That means that if someone used a search engine, like Google, and typed in “The night my friend Scott peed in his car”, it would bring up my blog post as one of the options. In fact, I just tried it. I googled “The night my friend Scott peed in his car.” When the results page popped up, the first thing is said was “did you mean – the night my friend Scott speed in his car?” Nope, speeding is not nearly as funny as peeing. My blog showed up at number 5, after “How to get revenge,” “I pissed on my bed last night, and the night before,” “Michael Scott (character) quotes” from imdb, and “Recent roommate confessions on CollegeHumor.”

Quite frankly, it’s fun to occasionally see what searches led people to my site. Here’s the activity from the past week:

1-“all the resolutions from 2012 to come true” – This, of course, led to my blog from last week called “New Year’s resolutions…yeah, right.” It makes perfect sense. Some person was looking for some information about all the end-of-the-world crap, and instead got me talking about wanting to go on tour with Van Halen. This person was either amused, or pissed. I’m probably gonna go with pissed.

2-“I have 3 o’clock who has 4 o’clock” – This one didn’t make sense to me at all. Who even says that, let alone googles it?  “I have 3 o’clock who has 4 o’clock”? That’s just so freakin’ weird.  My research tells me that it took the searcher to my blog about Bill Haley which I entitled “1,2,3 o’clock, 4 o’clock rock.” While I have no clue in the universe what this person was looking for, I can guarantee they weren’t looking for a story on a 1950’s rock pioneer. My proof?  The comment they left below the story: “This is not what I expected, but thanks for sharing your experience.” Thanks for the nice comment, and if you ever drop by again, please explain to me what the hell you were looking for.

3-“john lennon on bran wilson” – Perhaps the great musician was having some trouble with his diet, so Yoko suggested he try some bran wilson instead of corn flakes in the morning.  WTF?  It seriously said Bran Wilson instead of Brian Wilson! That was probably the funniest thing I read all day. This searcher was probably happy with my story about Alice Cooper describing his experience with John Lennon meeting Brian Wilson repeatedly in the same night. By the way, have you ever tried bran wilson with bananas?  (sorry, that just freakin’ cracks me up!)

4-“thanks to them I had fun” – I have no idea what this person was looking for, but it took him or her to my blog entry about Terry Jacks, the guy who wrote “Seasons in the Sun”. The title was “We had joy, we had fun…thanks to Terry Jacks”.  Again, why would you google “thanks to them I had fun”? Probably the same reason I used to google “Marcia Brady naked”…just to see what happened.

So I thought I would use the above headline to see what kind of searches and comments I would get. I’ll try to report back next week. In the meantime, I have 3 o’clock who has 4 o’clock? Not me…I’m eating bran wilson cereal.


About groovyrick

I live in a small town in Illinois with my wife and three kids. I am a part-time musician, part-time writer, and full-time dreamer.
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4 Responses to Dogs who think John Lennon is Shakespeare, the vegetarian and other random thoughts

  1. Marcia Brady naked? I’ll have to try that. Loved this blog. I frequently check activity on my website, and frankly, I can’t see why anyone even goes there anymore. But they do, and they come from all over the place. I’d sure like to increase traffic and get someone to buy my CDs. I’d negotiate a deal – give me a toasted bagel and cream cheese, get a CD. Add a banana or latte and I’ll come and play at your son’s Bar Mitzvah. Or, better yet …. maybe I could post some pictures of Marcia Brady?

  2. mike white says:

    marcia brady naked with bran wilson’s that conjures up a 3 o’clock 4 o;clock vision in your mind.don’t it.

  3. Beth says:

    Hey, trying to get some attention to my website too–maybe I should change the name of my tours? Marcia Brady with a Naked Banana tour. Or Bran Wilson Had Fun, Thanks to Them and a Banana Tour. Or the Peed in the Car at 3 O’clock and 4 O’clock Tour. The names do sound more interesting than just touring a neighborhood, but I’m terrified by who might show up for them!.

  4. John Evans says:

    David- It’s gotta be a BRAN bagel, and not just any bran bagel, but a gen-you-wine WILSON bran bagel!!! It’s all in the marketing…

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